Hold My Hand
by fagur fiskur
Summary: It's nearing midnight and the first guests are just beginning to trickle out. Ruby knows she should be leaving with them. She's stayed long enough to show that she's not bitter, that she's actually happy on behalf of the newly engaged couple. Which is bullshit, really.


**A/N: **Just a little something I wrote last November. Not beta-read, but I just edited it today myself. Rated for language and mentions of past drug use.

* * *

It's nearing midnight and the first guests are just beginning to trickle out. Ruby knows she should be leaving with them. She's stayed long enough to show that she's not bitter, that she's actually happy on behalf of the newly engaged couple.

Which is bullshit, really. Ruby's bitter as hell, of course she is, and if she thought she could get away with it, she would have already snuck through Jess' bedroom window and sheared off her golden, bouncy curls while she slept. Seriously, who looks and acts this wholesome without it being an act? Jessica Moore, that's who.

Jessica Moore, who is everything Sam Winchester ever wanted in a woman. Whom he loves enough to propose to after knowing her for only six months and who loves him enough back to say yes. Who never kept Sam's hand steady while he pushed a needle into his vein.

Yeah, Ruby fucked up. By all rights she shouldn't even be here, but she's been clean and sober for almost two years now and she's ready to show the world (and Sam) that she's moved on from her juvenile experimenting. Besides, Jess invited her. It would have been rude to tell her no or whatever.

But damn it, seeing Sam this happy without her _hurts_. The only thing that's kept Ruby from breaking into tears tonight, or to reach for one of those wine glasses sitting oh-so-temptingly on the living room table, is Anna.

Anna is an angel. No, really, she is. She met Ruby when she was at her worst, stealing and lying and willing to do anything for her next fix, and she hasn't left her side since. She was Ruby's only line to reality when Sam left, finally smart enough to recognize how toxic Ruby was.

And she's here tonight, hasn't had one glass of wine out of respect for Ruby. Hasn't wandered out of Ruby's sight. Every time Ruby catches a glimpse of that fiery red hair in a crowd of strangers and Sam's hostile friends and relatives, her heart calms. She knows she's not alone.

To be fair, Ruby also owes some thanks to Anna's brother, Castiel, probably the sole reason why Dean Winchester hasn't tried to kick her out yet. Between the two of them, Ruby has found the strength to keep her head tall for the last three hours.

She's beginning to get pretty exhausted, though. She knows she should be leaving but there's something she needs to do first, something she's been avoiding all night.

Congratulating the happy couple.

Sam and Jess haven't separated all night (gag) so catching them together is not the issue. Hell, there's no issue, except Ruby's giant one when it comes to Sam Winchester in general. Just looking in their direction makes her feel like she's been stabbed in the heart with a rusty razor blade. How is she supposed to talk to them?

"Do you want to leave?"

Ruby nearly jumps out of her skin. She hadn't noticed Anna sliding up next to her. Bitch should be wearing a bell, seriously. "In a minute. I just need to... you know."

Anna does know, because that's just how she is. She's always been able to tell just what Ruby wants or needs, sometimes even when Ruby herself doesn't know. So when she grabs Ruby's hand and weaves their fingers together, even if Ruby hadn't realized how much she was craving some human contact, she instantly feels better. Calmer.

She can do this.

She tugs Anna along, squeezing her hand to keep her own from trembling. Sam's happy smile drops just a bit when he spots the two of them heading for him, but he recovers remarkably.

"Just wanted to tell you congratulations," Ruby says, as sincerely as she can muster. Which, to be honest, isn't very. "You guys are really good together. And, um." She swallows her pride. It tastes bitter. "Thanks for inviting me, Jess. I'm glad I could be here."

"So am I," Jess says, smiling, and goddamn it, she actually looks like she means it, too.

"Yeah," Sam echoes awkwardly.

"We should get going," Anna says. "Big day tomorrow."

Neither Sam nor Jess, absurdly friendly as she is, seem eager to convince them to stay, so they say their goodbyes and head home.

"I feel gross," Ruby says as soon as they're out on the sidewalk. "If I'd tried to smile any wider, I probably would have strained something."

Anna snorts. "I still don't know what Jess was thinking, inviting you to their engagement party. I mean, I get that it was meant as a gesture of good will, but you don't invite your fiance's ex to an event like this."

"Right?" Ruby smirks, but it feels as forced and uncomfortable as that affected smile she's been wearing all night.

Anna, being Anna, sees right through it.

"I'm proud of you for going," she says. "You handled it really well."

Ruby shrugs. The palms of her hands are starting to get sweaty, and it's bringing her attention to the fact that her right hand is still clutched in Anna's left. "Whatever. It's not that big a deal. Not like I handled it that well, anyway."

"What are you talking about?"

"You saw me in there," Ruby says. "I was wandering around like a lost puppy for three fucking hours." She holds up their joined hands. "I couldn't even talk to Sam without you there to literally hold my hand."

Anna sighs. "You're an idiot, Ruby, you know that?"

"Okay, thanks, that makes me feel better."

"What, you think that because tonight was tough, it makes you weak?" Anna says, as if she hadn't heard Ruby speak. "The fact that it was tough makes you even stronger for sticking it out. It's what you always do. Your life hasn't been easy, not that half of that isn't your own fault, but you never let it defeat you. You're amazing, Ruby, and if Sam doesn't get that, then he doesn't deserve you."

Ruby can feel herself blushing. "What do you mean?"

Anna's cold expression is replaced with wide, confused eyes. "What?"

"I asked what you meant," Ruby says, voice stronger. "About Sam not deserving me. You don't think I want him back, do you?"

And now Anna is blushing. She tries to pull her hand away but Ruby holds it tight. "I - I don't know. Do you?"

Ruby rolls her eyes. "Sam and I were over a long time ago. Yeah, I did carry the torch for him but it's been four years. Even I'm not that pathetic. The thing with Sam is that he reminds me of everything I did wrong. We could have had something, if I hadn't fucked it all up."

"You know that's not all on you, right?" Anna asks. "It's not like he was some innocent you seduced to the dark side. He's his own person and he made his own decisions. I'm not gonna say you didn't affect them, but at the end of the day, they were still his decisions."

"Are you done?"

"No." Anna frowns. "Yes."

"Good."

And then Ruby uses her grip on Anna's hand to tug her in for a kiss. Their noses bump and Anna's lower lip gets caught on Ruby's teeth, causing her to grunt. It is awkward and so, so perfect. It only takes Anna a couple of moments to get with the program and then she is kissing Ruby back, angling her head so that their lips can slide effortlessly together. Ruby pulls back, grinning when Anna chases after her lips.

"Um," Anna says. She's blushing again, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I'm an idiot, Anna, but I'm not blind."

Anna's eyes widen impossibly further. "What?"

"You like me," Ruby says. "Since junior year, at least. At first I thought you were just into the whole fragile and damaged thing, but somewhere around the hundredth time you held my hair back while I puked my guts out, I figured it was just me you liked. God knows why." Anna opens her mouth to protest and Ruby shuts her up with a peck. "But I'm glad. And sorry that it took me so long to respond."

"You don't owe me anything," Anna says earnestly.

"I know," Ruby says. "Christ, and you think I have self-esteem issues? I like you, too, you idiot." She grins. "We're basically dating already, anyway. But now, instead of just going to the movies together on Saturdays, we can go to the movies and make out in the back row."

Anna grins back and squeezes Ruby's hand. Both of their palms are sweaty and it's kind of uncomfortable but all the same, Ruby doesn't ever want to let her go. "I like the sound of that."

They walk home together, hand in hand the entire way. For all that this was a crappy evening, Ruby feels like she's walking on air.


End file.
